I am sitting at the table. The dinner is eaten, dances are being done, fun is being had. By the other people. Couples.
Awk, couples. Aren’t they the worst?They have been nice throughout the trip, but now, they make me stand out like a sore thumb.
I’m feeling like a sore thumb. Small, abandoned, boring.
I love my life. I love being single and independent. I don’t miss a man in my life, I don’t even miss being in love.
But the party at this NYE made me feel my worst thoughts about me. Like social situations generally do.
It doesn’t matter how content I am with me and with my life when I’m alone. Throw somebody else into that equation and the balance is gone.
Will I ever learn how to have that? It’s not that I hate people – it’s that I don’t like myself when I’m around them. I’m a nervous mess instead of being my best.
Maybe one day I will manage to be the same, no matter if I’m alone or in a company.
But what if I won’t.