Last night I didn’t know what to tell you in this post. I didn’t do any of the major things I had planned against the fear of “Being Seen”. Then I was chatting to a friend about how she struggles with wanting to be perfect and I told her how she should lovingly embrace that she isn’t capable of doing everything and how I believe in gentleness on our road of improvement.
It took me a while to make that connection to my own situation. It’s true, I had different expectations when I started the week. I wanted to be able to show you that I am courageous enough to do the challenges. I wanted to prove it to myself as well, of course, but the point of sharing this journey is the external validation. (I wish it wasn’t but that’s what it is.)
So breathing gently into my day, I celebrate all the little steps I was able to achieve:
- Wearing a big earring with a feather – it’s not everyone’s cup of tea and it practically invites attention (for an earring of course 🙂 )
- Joining a conversation I was not specifically invited to at work. And you know what? It led to discovering that my boss and I both were in the same student organisation, AIESEC, some of you might know it. Not in the same university of course but it still connected us on a different level.
- I also have this overall (dare I say it?) confidence at work now. I started this job in August, totally new area but I have been doing really well. And somehow I got to the point where I believe it now. I can even accept when I make mistakes, which happened yesterday. That’s huge for a perfectionist, not stressing about the little things too much.
- At home I told my little brother I will dye my hair. I knew he would laugh, he wouldn’t understand but instead of feeling criticised by it, I felt the undercurrent of love and acceptance that connects us through our differences. I also told him why – we didn’t have a long, deep conversation about it but I told him how it’s a challenge for me to overcome my fear. (Then we quickly switched talking about football. One does not want to overwhelm their little brother 🙂 )
I am proud of making those little steps yesterday. People always say that every step counts but it’s hard to celebrate the smaller things. We get on board when our friend gets married but don’t think much when they tell us about a lovely afternoon they spent at home doing puzzles with their hubby. We say life is made up of moments but do little to acknowledge the same. Even now, I keep justifying to you (and to myself) why I feel entitled to consider these little steps achievements.
I’m looking at yesterday with new eyes now – last night I thought I failed. Today I recognise all the things I have done just one small step outside of my comfort zone. I’m at it, baby!
What was your baby-win yesterday? A small moment of celebration or happiness? Let’s honour them by sharing them with each other.
PS: Thank you for your kind reception of my video yesterday. I was super-anxious about it and you made me feel welcome. You rock and I’m very grateful!