Challenge of the week: B for Being seen 

It is often I wish I were invisible. Not for the superhero or curiosity reason – simply because it would be the ultimate hiding. It’s hard for me when people see me – I always think they judge me, and I always concur that it’s with good reason. (Nobody is as hard on me as I am on myself.)

During the commute I always agonise that I take more space than your average traveller. I feel like I don’t have the right to do so because I am taking it away from someone else. I feel like everyone around me is looking at me thinking the same.

When I have to speak in a group setting, even if I know it’s important, useful, I feel the others’ eyes on me judging how I dress, how I speak, my pronunciation, my manner, my personality. Therefore I do what I can to avoid these situations. I make myself quiet, try to blend in wearing black (grey, brown) not to call attention to myself.

But what does this approach achieve? I won’t be smaller, I won’t be more native, I won’t be more beautiful no matter how much I wish. I cannot hide from people. Nor should I want to. I have just as much right to be here, to take up the space, time as anyone else.

It won’t change who I am if people see me. Even if they love me, even if they hate me, I’m still the same Andi. That’s the only thing I can and should be. Watch me this week doing exactly that.

  • Sharing how I feel with my family
  • Standing out with a bright hair colour
  • Being open about what I eat
  • Spoken word video
  • Extreme honesty

***

In the meantime, I’d love to know if you ever have the same feeling. Do you ever shy away from being seen?

As part of the A to Z challenge I take daily challenges in real life in order to expand my comfort zone working with a specific type of fear every week. This week it’s all about the fear of being seen. The results, lessons are presented for you lovingly and honestly, hope you’ll come along!

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My soul breathes music and exhales words.

66 thoughts on “Challenge of the week: B for Being seen 

  1. I don’t really hide from people but I’m not fond of being the center of attention either. I certainly know how you feel, perhaps not as strongly. Good post!

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  2. Andi …
    This will shock people who know we now, but I still wish to be invisible at times. I had a terrible stutter growing up, and once went nearly two years without speaking to a person outside of family. If I could have hidden I would have. Baby steps. And the knowledge that people find it easier to criticize than complement should always make you feel better about yourself.

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    1. Thank you for sharing this Geraint, it really helps see that things like that can be overcome. Not just like an abstract concept but in the life of real people. So I’m grateful for your honesty.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I used to feel self-conscious in groups settings but that changed in time. Great post. I think you might enjoy my post for Song Lyric Sunday. The song may motivate you 🙂

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  4. Beautiful post Andi, love your honesty and the way you are facing your demons. It reminded me of a dear friend who resembles you in the way that she wishes to be as invisible as possible in public, always worried about that others may be judging her based on what she says, does, wears or for that matter stand/sit. Kudos to you for being courageous enough to be bold and courageous to be yourself. Look forward to more posts from you.

    Name : Gayatri Gadre
    Blog : Be young 4ever
    #AtoZChallenge Theme : Travel (off the beaten track)
    B for : Bath, a romantic city

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    1. Thank you Gayatri, it sure is a work on progress, step by step but I also find it so fulfilling to see how lighter the load becomes every day. Hope your friend can experience it too.

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  5. I don’t hide, but I’m not fond of having the limelight focussed on me either. All of us in some way or other try to ‘blend in’ most of the time, depending on the context.

    The hair colour sounds lovely!

    Best,
    Nilanjana
    From Madly-in-Verse

    Liked by 1 person

  6. I can definitely relate to this. I always think of myself as the ‘Non Player Character’ in a video game – the nameless, brown-haired villager who provides a single line of wallpaper speech.

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    1. Oh wow, I’ve never thought of that comparison lol. It actually reminded me of a tattoo I want to get: “My life, my story, my words.” To remind me I don’t have to be like anyone else or follow anyone’s rules.

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  7. It is quite true Andi! Most times one wants not to be bothered by others. One feels comfortable on being alone. It is only natural when one is not familiar with the surroundings.! But it is just temporary!

    Hank

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    1. Hi Hank, thank you for dropping by! I agree, it’s OK if it’s temporary and I’m sure everyone feels so from time to time. The problem is when it’s a constant occurrence.

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  8. I am quite an introvert and mostly avoid the social situations just for my own comfort … It gets tiring to be seen and it feels uncomfortable, but one has to push through those comforts to get through.
    I can relate to wanting to be invisible … in fact, I feel quite relaxed at tourist destinations … In midst of so many people from so many places gathered together, I feel almost invisible in a free kind of way.
    I should also try to do the same for a week or so. That would be a good practice!
    I am glad I read this!
    Thanks for sharing 🙂
    Cheers!

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    1. Hi Karnika, thank you for the kind comment! It’s true, it’s easy to blend in with a big crowd, as counter-intuitive it sounds at first. I’d love it if you joined the challenges for a week of course 😉

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  9. When I start to worry about what people are thinking I try to remember some work training I did years ago. The story went you are walking down the street and a person you know stops and says within the discussion your hair looks a bit of a mess today. A week later you are still worrying about it. The person who said it has not thought about it once said since they said it and probably would not remember if asked. So I need to forget it too.

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    1. Hi Fran, that’s a great comparison, I love it! It’s like having a splinter and instead of taking out, I push it further in. And then wonder why it hurts so much! Thank you for dropping by!

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  10. There are somedays when I wish I had Harry Potter’s invisibility cloak. I think in all of us that tiny bit of self doubt creeps in now and then. Thanks for dropping by my post.

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  11. For a long time I’ve felt the way you do and from time to time that feeling comes back but never as strong as it once did. Since then I realized that I do matter, that I do have a say and I do have the right to be be who I am and do what I want.
    I hope your day comes when you start to feel more confident and not care so much about what people think because it is this an indescribable feeling of freedom and I really do believe that you deserve that.
    Keep your chin up high, You are not alone and the world needs to see more of how beautiful you are!

    http://tropicalcolours.blogspot.com.au/

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  12. I am an introvert. Being an introvert is not a crime. 🙂 This is who I am. In a group, I start to speak after spending some time if I feel comfortable (if I feel that people in that group are listeners of a slow speaker like me). Anyway, I am who I am. Great post, Andi. Have a wonderful week.

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  13. First of all, I want to celebrate with you for your courage, honesty, and vulnerability. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable because I know you’re building your courage, but this is amazing. I love that you’ve found ways to be yourself without apology. I can’t wait to see the hair color and hear how these goals have helped you in taking steps to be more comfortable being seen. ❤ ❤ ❤

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  14. I used to critically judge myself in the past and still do sometimes even now…But nowadays i care less. Maybe its the age and maturity that comes with the age.. i have no idea! I totally understand your emotion in this post.. because i have been there done that!
    Very well written!

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  15. I usually don’t have a problem with being around people, but I hate being in the spotlight if I end up wearing an outfit that doesn’t blend in with the rest. Whilst I enjoy having an audience that would appreciate my work (writing and music), I feel obliged to please people and not draw unnecessary attention. I know it sounds contradictory but that’s exactly how I feel about being seen!

    Great post. Cheers.

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  16. When I was younger I would try to hide. Somewhere along the line that changed. Maybe with experience or accomplishment. One day I just realized I had the right to just as much space on the bus or train as anyone else!

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  17. Everyone does feel like that every now and then. It’s human nature. I guess we all are too much worried about what others might think. What’s important is to let go of that feeling; you should not stick to it because it can then be troublesome. Best wishes for you 🙂

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  18. I used to when I was a teenager – I had long hair, and I used to wear a floppy hat and keep my hair down in front of my face like curtains, my head down… so I couldn’t be seen! I used to cross the road and go into shops to avoid speaking people or saying hell even if I knew them. I had o self-confidence at all. eventually i did gain confidence – it came with knowledge, and just being a person for a longer amount of time! I think learning to do something, and learning to do it well helps – it gives you a feeling of achievement and pride in yourself, and then things improve from there. hope you continue to feel better and more confident! Liz B is for Alice Guy-Blaché – Visionary and First Female Film Director #A-Z Challenge

    Liked by 1 person

    1. I struggle with that too, I think it’s the same oxymoron that I read somewhere: shy people are also the most arrogant – they think everyone always watches them. 😉

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  19. Oh yes, very introverted here! Hard as that may seem to believe, seeing as how I blog and all. 🙂 I’ve felt for a long time though that blogging is a way for introverts to socialize without being seen. 🙂

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