Today was a test. And I failed. But…
Sand got into the so-far well-oiled cogs of my improvement. The dreaded setback.
It started innocent enough. I escaped the usual Monday blues with a gentle workout, a good breakfast and some meditative music. Unfortunately after my 40-minute commute to work I discovered that my laptop didn’t bother to come with me: I left it at home. I texted my team leader, turned back and kept it together.
Then, instead of allowing a day of home office, I was told to go back together with the laptop all the way through the city. I hope you’re counting with me: 3 times 40 minutes just so that I can sit at a desk and work all alone.
And that’s exactly what I did. I sat at my desk, getting angrier and angrier, swearing at the programs because “nothing worked” and by the time I finished I wanted to look for another job.
Only if I knew what I wanted to do…
Quite a spiral, isn’t it? It’s intimately familiar. I’ve gone through it too many times slipping deeper and darker.
And yes, I was aware all day that I shouldn’t let this happen. That it’s not a big thing. But somehow I kept rolling it in front of me like a big snowball – the more I roll it, the bigger it gets.
Then a big rock got in the way and stopped my ugly, black snowball: a promo email of all things.
It was from the guy whose coaching programme I’ve joined, Jacob Sokol. He was making the point that whatever happens, we make its story.
After all, this is the basis of positivity: what’s the opportunity in this situation? As Jacob put it, how did this happen for me? Or as I read in an interview with Jon Morrow recently: when you get hit, focus on the counterpunch.
So if I do so, what can I brainstorm out of this situation? Why was it good that it happened this way?
- I definitely walked more than I would have (8168 steps)
- I learned that I can’t sit on my laurels. That dark, dangerous slide is very, VERY close.
- I used the extra commuting time to plan my upcoming trips and holidays.
- I realised what I need to pay very close attention to: I still enjoy the passive-aggressive behaviour way too much.
- I also saw first hand (and still without a significant consequence) that my mood still controls me more than I control it.
All in all it was great opportunity to recognise my weak points – should a more serious obstacle arise, I will know the triggers. Will I know how to handle them, too? Probably not but paying attention to them will already make the situation better than today. So Miss Andi, next time look for the opportunity rather than what didn’t happen the way you wanted. Also, be nice to your team lead tomorrow 🙂
If you’d like to help me, I would love to know: what are your triggers and how do you handle them?