When this week began I had no idea that before the weekend kicks in I will commit to an expensive programme to help me get the courage to put myself out there. Alas, here I am, amazed by how quick I grabbed the opportunity, as if it were the lifebelt and I were drowning. Which maybe I was sometimes.
This week I received an email about a webinar held by Jacob Sokol of Sensophy. I didn’t know who he was or how I even subscribed to that email list but I absolutely loved the title:How To Reverse-Engineer 2017 to be Your Most Successful Year Ever
Granted the title is a bit attention-seeking and sensationalist but the phrase “reverse engineering” grabbed my business-oriented, productivity-obsessed mind so I signed up. As luck would have it, I even had some free downtime when the webinar was on so I joined with full attention.
As it went on, I was sucked in to the laidback style and hands-on approach of Jacob. It wasn’t a speech you had to nod along to – it was a workshop in the classic sense of having to do the work with your mind and body. I loved it. So afterwards I looked into his programme, filled in the application form and put the date of the phone interview into my calendar.
And went on with my life.
I’m not gonna lie, the phone talk was pretty uncomfortable. One, I HATE talking on the phone. Two, I was asked some personal questions by a total stranger. Three, I never dared to ask those questions myself:
- Where would you go if you didn’t stop yourself?
- How would that feel?
- What stands between you now and you then?
Still, it wasn’t “bad uncomfortable” you know? It’s like when you go running and you go a little longer than last time. Or when you stay up at night at studying. It puts you outside your comfort zone but you know it’s for the better. So when I was asked if I want to sign up, I said yes. I didn’t care how expensive it was and how I only had money for it on my credit card.
Why? Because I was tired of fighting myself. Always debating what I can show to others, to what extent I can be me. Always hiding because I am so afraid that someone will see me, judge me, laugh at me.
And I believe I can take Jacob’s advice on how to overcome this. He is OK with being him. Even when he was uncomfortable, he kept on opening up. I respect that.
I know it’s gonna be tough. I know I’m gonna rebel, likely even resist. But I’m gonna be honest about it. To myself and to you here.